Dear Aumrie, I could use your guidance.

I’ve been proposed to by my fiancé three times. I’ve accepted the ring three times, and have given it back twice. I’m thinking about returning the engagement ring for a third time. We live together, and i care deeply for him. I would say i love him, but I’m not sure if I’m in love with him.  He’s a good guy. Provides well, comes from a good family and everyone tells me that I’m so lucky to be with him. But when I imagine my future, I don’t know if he’s included. I’m turning 38 in three months and I want children and I know he would take good care of them and me. With time running out is it better to keep the ring or return it for the third and final time.

A confused heart,



How’ya feeling Jill,

I want to acknowledge the heaviness of your conflict.  As a culture we often push through weighty decisions focused on the obtaining the right outcome. Like most moral dilemmas, the process matters as much as the outcome. It maybe helpful to name what you’re already feeling: social pressure, doubt, maternal clock, and feelings of coercion. Next, I would invite you to sit with those feelings and take know of the somatic experience in your body. Do you notices tightness in your body? Resistance? Tension? These felt sensations are useful information. Notice the emotions that arise out of these senses and the linked thoughts.

Your heart already knows your job is to listen to what its saying.

With gratitude,


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